AN ALARMING report recently published by leading business consulting group IVAN Communications has highlighted the need for stronger sanctions to be imposed against any employee found to be flaunting the spirit of the toilet break system in workplaces across Victoria.Figures in the report estimate that one in five employees within the workplace are taking longer than necessary toilet breaks at the expense of their management, with reduced productivity and profits being the unfortunate result.
Security cameras installed in every cubicle of a leading insurance firm has revealed unscrupulous staff reading magazines, newspapers and paperback novels for long stretches of time whilst phones remain unmanned and reports sit on desks waiting to be filed or shredded. In one case a senior underwriter was caught spending 46 minutes dissecting a sudoku puzzle instead of attending to his reports and charts.
Police are at a loss as to how to tackle the wave of laziness that seems to be taking over the business precincts of Melbourne’s CBD. Detective Senior Sergeant Antony Toppslovic has gone on record to say that “we are looking at all of our options with regards to the most appropriate weapon to be used in fighting this scourge. I expect that all frontline officers will be armed with state of the art tazer guns and Walther PP11 megaphones by December 2010 and this hopefully will enable us to get the upper hand before things get really out of control.”
Mr. Justin Davies, founder of the newly established pressure group Call Centre Employees Pushing for Workplace Rights (CCEPWR), believes that a cool head needs to prevail and that the government needs to be careful about knee-jerk responses similar to the dock disputes of 1998. “I think it is really unfair that we have been singled out. It’s just really unfair.”
Managing director of Reece Plumbing Mr. Mick Hinders was unavailable for comment. He wasn’t in his office and his mobile phone went to voicemail.
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